Mother's Day

This morning at church, the choir of all women along with their little girls, sang "Bow the Knee" and it brought back so many memories of when we were going through our second miscarriage. I was at choir rehearsal at church, and we were practicing the song. When we got to the lines, "And when you don’t understand the purpose of His plan, In the presence of the King, bow the knee" I started crying b/c I knew that our pregnancy was over and I was questioning why God wasn't allowing me to continue carrying our child. As difficult as that time was in my life, I now understand that God's plan for us was adoption.

And then the pastor preached this morning on Isaac and Rebekah and how they were both stubborn and wanted things done their way. See, Isaac wanted his first born, Esau, to have the family birthright and blessing, but God had set into motion for his second son, Jacob, to have the birthright. But Isaac was so stubborn he wasn't willing to go against the norms of the day that the first born was to receive the family blessing and have the other sons serve the eldest, so he told Esau to prepare him a feast so that he could bless him, not Jacob. And Rebekah, knowing that Isaac was going against God, got her son to lie to Isaac, who was old and losing his sight, and trick him into thinking he was his first born, just so things would happen as the Lord had intended. But, had she just sat back and let the Lord work, who knows what miracle would have been performed! God's will would have come to fruition, but she didn't give Him that chance to work. Then it dawned on me...that's how I was back in the thick of our infertility journey. I knew Jon and I wanted to adopt (someday), and I have no doubt in my mind that God put that longing in our hearts, but we were continuing to try month after month to have a biological child. All the while God was sitting back just waiting on us to trust Him. Who knows what would have happened if we had surrendered to God's plan years ago!! (Please don't take these statements to mean that everyone going through IF is supposed to adopt and give up their dream of having a biological child. And I don't believe you're going against God's will by trying ART. This was just OUR plan. I in now way believe this is everyone's plan.)

I just think it was so fitting for me to hear this song and hear this sermon on this day. I was so touched when the pastor made a point to mention that Mother's Day can be difficult for those who have lost their mothers or those who long to be a mother but aren't. Mother's Day is a day that is bittersweet for me. I still remember our angel babies and miss them dearly, and even more, I still remember as though it was yesterday the longing I had in my heart for a child as I sat in the pew on Mother's Day year after year feeling so empty and alone. And at the same time, I cherish my sweet Little Bit and Chipmunk and feel so blessed to be their Mom. They are my heart and are SOOO worth the wait!!

To me, every day is Mother's Day because every day I get to hug and kiss my little girls. Girls that I have prayed for for years. But a few days ago I was taken aback as I thought about the two babies that I miscarried b/c it dawned on me that they would be 3 this year. THREE!! That just took my breath away. But today, I remember all of my IRL and online friends that are still struggling with IF and are still waiting for their child. My heart is heavy for you!! And know that you have been lifted up in prayer today. I pray that the Lord will bless you with the child(ren) that you so desire.

Bow the Knee

There are moments on our journey following the Lord
Where God illumines ev’ry step we take.
There are times when circumstances make perfect sense to us,
As we try to understand each move He makes.
When the path grows dim and our questions have no answers, turn to Him.

Bow the knee; Trust the heart of your Father when the answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee; Lift your eyes toward heaven and believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don’t understand the purpose of His plan,
In the presence of the King, bow the knee.

There are days when clouds surround us, and the rain begins to fall,
The cold and lonely winds won’t cease to blow.
And there seems to be no reason for the suffering we feel;
We are tempted to believe God does not know.
When the storms arise, don’t forget we live by faith and not by sight.

Bow the knee; Trust the heart of your Father when the answer goes beyond what you can see. Bow the knee; Lift your eyes toward heaven and believe the One who holds eternity. And when you don’t understand the purpose of His plan, In the presence of the King, bow the knee.


And finally...picture of the girls!