Easter

Today is Maundy Thursday, and as I sat at the computer this morning I was wondering what it must have been like for Jesus at the passover supper with his disciples and in the garden as he prayed, knowing what his fate was to be. My heart is full of sadness today for the agony he must have felt, but so full of hope at the same time knowing that God has allowed me to live life eternally with Him.

I know not all of you who read my blog are Christians, but I wanted to share with you what was on my heart. In some small way I hope that I am able to share my faith throughout my blogging experience. To me, blogging is not just about sharing my struggles with infertility or in parenting, or a way to show off our beautiful girls, but it's also about sharing my convictions. To me, Easter is about HOPE! And that's something that I longed for throughout my 2+ year journey with infertility. I will be completely honest and tell you that there were days along that journey when I just didn't have faith that God cared about me. I didn't understand why I had to suffer the miscarriages that I did. And I didn't understand why there were so many people getting pregnant so easily and I had to wait month after month. But once we decided to stop ttc (trying to conceive) and we sought out God's will for our lives we realized that God placed the longing to adopt a child in our hearts long before we ever started trying to get pregnant. It wasn't just something that we thought up on our own. God put it there, and when we earnestly sought Him, He made us realize that it was His will for us all along. He had Olivia and Macy already in mind long before we ever started trying. We just had to surrender our wills and follow His. Of course, it's easy to see the path once you've traveled on the journey. And sometimes it's hard to know what His will is. But trust me when I tell you, if you have a desire in your heart that just won't go away, and you've been trying things your way for so long without success, maybe that's God tugging at you to trust Him and let Him lead you down the path that He wants you to go.

ETA: I'm not saying adoption is for everyone who is having trouble conceiving, but for us, we had always wanted to adopt in addition to having biological children. God just had other plans for us, and adoption was the way that He wanted us to build our family. I am not against fertility treatments either, and if we could have afforded them, then we might have tried them after being unsuccessful the first year. But we talked about it in great length and b/c we wanted to adopt at some point we decided that saving the money and putting it towards adoption was the better thing for us to do. God has blessed many people through fertility treatments, so if you feel it's right for you, I say go for it.

I want to close with this...if you ever have any questions about God...feel free to ask them. I certainly don't have all the answers, and I'm not a Biblical scholar, but I will be more than happy to share my beliefs with you and answer your questions as best I can.

I hope that you have a very blessed Easter!!